The Creative Confessional

5.18.13

I often throw away worksheets that I have my students do on days I am too tired to teach.

ABSOLVE : 1

CONDEMN : 1

5.17.13

Creative is so slow that most days I'm a glorified secretary.

ABSOLVE : 6

CONDEMN : 3

5.17.13

I've been tasked the duty of photo retouching a bunch of pictures of Eva Mendes, and let me tell you I've had a boner for at least 4 straight hours now.

ABSOLVE : 3

CONDEMN : 0

5.17.13

Being a minority has its benefits in this industry.

ABSOLVE : 8

CONDEMN : 12

5.17.13

i almost closed out of spotify when the lowes commercial for a grill came on. please. do not make more of those terrible spots.

ABSOLVE : 5

CONDEMN : 1

5.17.13

I ran late for a meeting in my office but did not call the client. Client ran even later, calling me to excuse herself for being late. Man, I love life!

ABSOLVE : 10

CONDEMN : 0

5.16.13

I have a Roy... And a Jim.

ABSOLVE : 3

CONDEMN : 4

5.16.13

It's so much harder to fake tragically hip than to actually be it.

ABSOLVE : 0

CONDEMN : 3

5.16.13

I'm in love with the models from Snorg Tees.

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 4

5.16.13

I'm jealous of the person who has the luxury of crying at their desk.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 1

5.16.13

This agency is the loneliest place in the world.

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 2

5.16.13

I think agencies should adopt the Moneyball philosophy to finding creatives. Forget the award winners. Look for creatives with killer ideas that died in focus groups.

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 0

5.16.13

Creative directors don't want to be constructive. They just want to be right.

ABSOLVE : 28

CONDEMN : 2

5.15.13

I have cried at my desk every day for the past 6 weeks.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 8

5.15.13

I'm in accounts. I secretly opened a "new business" job number so my designer friend and I have something to bill the time we waste on this site to.

ABSOLVE : 21

CONDEMN : 8

5.15.13

My biggest fear is to call an Asian person by another Asian person's name.

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 7

5.15.13

When you say either of the following, I picture stabbing you in the eyeball with a pencil: " I don't want to play art director but.." or " I don't want to play copywriter but.."

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 1

5.15.13

The last three brands we've launched have all been my creation. Where the hell is my raise?

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 5

5.15.13

"Does he have any digital?" No. I have Super Bowl spots, national double-page print spreads, guerrilla ads, a couple of One Show pencils, and 13 years experience, but no digital. Because it takes a true advertising genius to come up with a Facebook post.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 7

5.15.13

Yeah, I live dangerously. My Buzzfeed bookmark sits directly above a bookmark of a lesbian video.

ABSOLVE : 12

CONDEMN : 1

5.15.13

I have seen every new cool website people share to me, but I pretend not to, because I don't want them to think I browse the web all day long.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 2

5.14.13

I designed my boss' daughter's portfolio that got her into art school.

ABSOLVE : 8

CONDEMN : 50

5.14.13

I can think of no fate worse than being killed slowly by recycled air, sugar-coated fried refined flour, and bad puns...

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 2

5.14.13

My local Subway sandwich artist has a more creative job than this.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 2

5.14.13

I can't type without looking at the keyboard.

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 17

5.14.13

The lack of a feature you did not ask for is not a "bug." Please stop referring to it as such. Your inability to communicate is not my issue!

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 1

5.14.13

Edit Studios: The oasis in a desert of mediocre office buildings

ABSOLVE : 10

CONDEMN : 0

5.14.13

Why the hell do they hire more accounts and PMs when what we actually need are more copywriters and art directors?!

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 4

5.13.13

I HATE "Got Milk?" more than anything in existence except the rip offs it has spawned.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 0

5.13.13

If I want to watch an Episode of "Mad Men", all I have to do is stick my head out my door. KILL. ME. NOW.

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 5

5.13.13

I just named a file lets_try_again.indd

ABSOLVE : 40

CONDEMN : 2

5.13.13

I gave a client exactly what they wanted.

ABSOLVE : 25

CONDEMN : 15

5.13.13

I must be the hot Art Director referred to below.

ABSOLVE : 21

CONDEMN : 14

5.13.13

Do not walk into my office first thing on a Monday and say "Good morning, sunshine." It makes me want to stab you with a rusty x-acto knife.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 4

5.13.13

I think my Art director is hot

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 2

5.13.13

I am useless!

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 4

5.10.13

I yell out "APPLE Z" on a daily basis.

ABSOLVE : 7

CONDEMN : 4

5.9.13

Interns always know where to get the best weed.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 8

5.9.13

Whenever my CD rips off an ad he saw in CA or Archive, I find it, make a copy of it and pin it to the creative department bulletin board for all to see. Next time I'll put his ad next to it.

ABSOLVE : 65

CONDEMN : 0

5.8.13

I want to fuck my partner til she can't form a coherent sentence. Fine, shoot me. She's married and so am I. But she hates her husband and I loathe my wife. Can you really condemn me?

ABSOLVE : 62

CONDEMN : 109

5.8.13

I just designed a wedding invite for the Walmart buyers. FML.

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 5

5.8.13

My feet smell horrible! I'm keeping my shoes off and enjoying everyone's expressions while they pretend not to notice. Ahhhh open floor plans...

ABSOLVE : 19

CONDEMN : 48

5.8.13

Please stop attempting to use art speak when you talk to me. You're embarrassing yourself.

ABSOLVE : 39

CONDEMN : 1

5.8.13

I found this site after Google searching the phrase "I hate my creative director."

ABSOLVE : 90

CONDEMN : 0

5.7.13

I wish I were a designer. I'm tired of having to think.

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 91

5.7.13

If my CD tells me to "turn and burn" one more time I'm gunna "turn and burn" this doobie.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 1

5.7.13

I schedule meetings during horrible meetings for immediately after the horrible meetings so I can't stay longer than the horrible meetings are scheduled for.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 1

5.7.13

Nothing makes me happier than to make copy changes with the simple note that reads: "Subhead needs the word FREE in it. Make it all uppercase." One more week to go at this place and I'm back to my freelance career. Thank God

ABSOLVE : 19

CONDEMN : 0

5.7.13

"It's a keyboard not a fucking typewriter asshole. You don't need to beat the shit out of it." - I only beat the shit out of it because I'm pretending to beat the shit out of the rest of you.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 6

5.7.13

Is it Friday yet?

ABSOLVE : 46

CONDEMN : 3

5.7.13

When someone asks me how to do something in Photoshop or Illustrator I have to mime the key command with my left hand because I can't remember the actual strokes. Just make your fingers do what mine are doing and it will work.

ABSOLVE : 56

CONDEMN : 1

5.7.13

I just haphazardly converted a photo to CMYK using the "U.S. Web Coated (SWOP)" profile without knowing what the hell that means.

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 3

5.7.13

I am blown away by the fact that facebook wouldn't allow me to run an ad that had 'consecutive punctuation marks'. The copy was punctuated correctly. I hope facebook never wonders why no one takes them seriously as an advertising platform.

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 3

5.7.13

Every CD has a moment where they hit an age and lose their eye for good designs. My CD hit that point this morning.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 8

5.7.13

I'm not grouchy because I haven't had my coffee. I'm pissed because I fucking hate seeing all of your pretentious faces every morning!

ABSOLVE : 49

CONDEMN : 0

5.7.13

The guy next to me keeps playing loud shitty music all the time, and he has 3 headphones laying around his desk. So when I fucking shoot him with a bazooka, Im gonna say "he was asking for it"

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 5

5.7.13

Just came back from a client meeting. When we asked about any key messages they wanted to convey he said "Well, 30% of people, when they first walk in here, say 'Thank God you're not black'". He was a doctor.

ABSOLVE : 5

CONDEMN : 10

5.6.13

I was looking at an online dating profile of a very attractive girl and thought to myself "hmm... I really like the way the photo gallery user interface is set up on this site"... this is why I'm single.

ABSOLVE : 65

CONDEMN : 2

5.6.13

I dread going into my office everyday so much so that I purposely walk on a nearby wonky sewer cover on my way in... hoping I might fall in.

ABSOLVE : 31

CONDEMN : 5

5.6.13

I made the mistake of thinking this line of work would be fulfilling because it's creative. It's neither. I wish I could start over, but after 10 years of doing this I don't know what else I'd do.

ABSOLVE : 66

CONDEMN : 3

5.6.13

My day rate is what it is for a reason. If you don't want to pay me what I'm worth, that's cool. Hire someone with less experience and insight and pay them less. But don't fucking insult me by trying to pretend your blue-chip, brand-name client doesn't have the money. It's bullshit and we both know it.

ABSOLVE : 73

CONDEMN : 1

5.6.13

I hate consultants. First, they convince agencies to pay them astonishing amounts of money. Second, the agency usually does what the consultant says even if it does not make sense because they don't want to look like idiots by paying someone all that money and not listening to them. And third, the consultant will never say they way you are doing things is fine because that does not justify the price tag. I wish I were a consultant.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 4

5.6.13

We design coupons! not life saving machines or next generation farming solutions. Stop taking your worthless excuse for a job so serious.

ABSOLVE : 49

CONDEMN : 3

5.6.13

I'm tired of hearing the other creatives complain that the AOR gets to do the good share of the work. There's a reason we don't work there.

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 4

5.6.13

I'm leaving my job staring into a glowing rectangle every day. I'm taking a BIG pay cut to spend my days taking care of other people's children. I have no idea how to tell them this.

ABSOLVE : 28

CONDEMN : 4

5.6.13

It is a constant moral struggle not to pull the Fire Alarm each and every day!

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 1

5.6.13

If you ask me to redo the entire ad and then decide to go with the first ad after all with "small" changes...no, I'm not going to want to work with you again. I'd rather not get paid then work on your projects. Thankfully freelancing let's me do that, unfortunately I sure could use the money.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 4

5.5.13

To all the retards walking around the malls with their pro cameras taking snaps of everything. "u are not a photographer, u r just an amateur with an over-priced camera"

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 9

5.5.13

For a creative industry, you'd think people would be able to come up with more original phrases to describe selling out than "sold my soul", which appears in every fourth confession.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 2

5.5.13

The work I did today (sunday) alone in the office - is much better than what I did last the whole last week with co-workers. Leave me the fuck alone so I can think.

ABSOLVE : 61

CONDEMN : 3

5.4.13

I just won a boatload of money on the Kentucky Derby, guess who is giving his notice on Monday and taking the summer off...oh and I know nothing about horse racing...suck it account people

ABSOLVE : 28

CONDEMN : 4

5.4.13

If you were an artist or a writer, you would not be working in advertising.

ABSOLVE : 47

CONDEMN : 20

5.3.13

I never read the briefs.

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 12

5.3.13

AEs are the taints of the advertising industry.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 6

5.3.13

"Please change this bullet to some kind of starburst." I refuse.

ABSOLVE : 42

CONDEMN : 4

5.3.13

Some days I go to cnn.com just so that I can realize that my life doesn't suck as much as others do....

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 3

5.3.13

I play out death scenarios for my office mate in my mind and how I'll have to act like I'm sad instead of ecstatic...

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 5

5.3.13

When someone says, "welcome to my world," I want to punch them in the throat.

ABSOLVE : 31

CONDEMN : 1

5.3.13

I am working on an account to promote a "revolutionary" product for the food industry to clean cooking oil. The product is nothing but sand and salt.

ABSOLVE : 9

CONDEMN : 2

5.3.13

I've come to a place where I have no anger left. Just quietly making plans to escape at this point.

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 1

5.3.13

walking fast around the office with your laptop open pretending that you are "slammed"... nobody likes you

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 3

5.3.13

I feel sincerely sorry for the former copywriters and art directors who are, 20 years late, STILL at the former smoking hot Minneapolis agency. Guys, it's just sad now. Just sad. You should be doing something else. When I run into one of them and they look condescendingly at me because I'm out of the biz, I feel superior. I have an 8 figure net worth now due to a non-sexy manufacturing job. Absolutely true and depressing to a lot of people I'm sure.

ABSOLVE : 10

CONDEMN : 17

5.3.13

My dream account is Imodium.

ABSOLVE : 21

CONDEMN : 1

5.3.13

I just click all the Pathfinder options until I find one that does what I want.

ABSOLVE : 71

CONDEMN : 5

5.3.13

When our company was acquired and had to move, we hid open cans of cat food for the new tenants. Later, we went back for a visit to say "hi" and they had blocked off the basement. Fuck. We are complete assholes.

ABSOLVE : 7

CONDEMN : 5

5.2.13

I still don't know how to change from cmyk to spot colors in illustrator

ABSOLVE : 8

CONDEMN : 22

5.2.13

Women shouldn't be Creative Directors. And yes, I am a woman, working for a woman CD.

ABSOLVE : 15

CONDEMN : 32

5.2.13

It's a keyboard not a fucking typewriter asshole. You don't need to beat the shit out of it.

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 2

5.2.13

A gradient is not the smear of willow charcoal. A line of code captures nothing. And the "creative" work produced in advertising is only moving people to piss away their money, destroy their health, and otherwise waste their precious time. I want out.

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 7

5.2.13

I guess i'd feel better about polishing off projects if I was the one stamping them with "Approved."

ABSOLVE : 3

CONDEMN : 1

5.2.13

The clutter on my desktop looks like something out of an episode of "Hoarders".

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 3

5.2.13

This is more universal than creative, but why do the fat people get to dictate the office temperature instead of the healthy people?

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 5

5.2.13

I don't understand why we're not supposed to say "That's not my job." Why would you want me to waste my time (and yours) doing something that I don't know how to do?

ABSOLVE : 24

CONDEMN : 0

5.2.13

"Just bang this shit out." doesn't make me want to finish it faster.

ABSOLVE : 12

CONDEMN : 1

5.2.13

I absolutely despise my agency. I only stay because I've slept with several coworkers. Nobody knows because of the high turnover.

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 13

5.2.13

We say brainstorming but what we mean is getting drunk in the back room and praying something comes to us before the deadline.

ABSOLVE : 51

CONDEMN : 6

5.2.13

Was told in my performance review that I sometimes don't seem "engaged" on the phone. That's because I'm busy listening and taking notes. You want someone who's 100 percent engaged all the time? Hire an actor.

ABSOLVE : 13

CONDEMN : 0

5.2.13

You are a producer, not a creative.

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 3

5.2.13

Yeah, go pick up all those awards. I'll stay here doing the real work.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 3

5.2.13

HATE HATE HATE ::coffee:: ugh fine- send over your changes...

ABSOLVE : 24

CONDEMN : 2

5.1.13

How many copywriters does it take to change a light bulb? "NOBODY changes ANYTHING!!"

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 5

5.1.13

I need it for yesterday. WTF does that even mean?

ABSOLVE : 44

CONDEMN : 0

5.1.13

In my performance review, my VP told me I was "no fun to work with." I reminded her that I'd designed all the packaging, ads, marketing and sales kits for 3 product lines in less than 6 months and had never missed a deadline. Oh and I was going through a divorce. She said, "Yeah, but you're no fun." There went my raise. Die, bitch.

ABSOLVE : 108

CONDEMN : 2

5.1.13

I can't remember the CMYK for our company's graphic standards. I've worked here 9 years.

ABSOLVE : 27

CONDEMN : 9

5.1.13

My art director thinks I'm mean with everyone... That hurts my feelings, oh no, actually I don't have any of those left since I sold my soul to advertising.

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 9

5.1.13

I used comments from Al Gore's Amazon book reviews, as the base of my copy for a right-wing environmental policy website.

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 1

5.1.13

You don't come to work on time? I watch youtube until you show up. Fair is fair.

ABSOLVE : 60

CONDEMN : 1

5.1.13

My ECD hates me, so in order to test my theory, I had someone else submit my ideas. Approved. FML.

ABSOLVE : 64

CONDEMN : 2

5.1.13

Everyone on this account has left, including the client.

ABSOLVE : 40

CONDEMN : 1

5.1.13

As a female creative, when other women get defensive when I'm doing a better job than they are, I just want to say, "Don't be bitchy. Be better."

ABSOLVE : 48

CONDEMN : 4

5.1.13

I'll be damned if going into labor and delivering a baby makes me miss a deadline for submitting a magazine ad. We are a sick breed.

ABSOLVE : 15

CONDEMN : 39

5.1.13

I just passed on washing my hands so I wouldn't be in the bathroom when a partner got done pissing.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 25

5.1.13

I still can't pronounce the name of the agency I work for.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 5

4.30.13

My Copywriter is so fucking mean with everyone. I like it.

ABSOLVE : 42

CONDEMN : 9

4.30.13

I respect a hack who's honest about what he does for a living more than a talented prick who thinks he's saving the world one packaged goods ad at a time.

ABSOLVE : 52

CONDEMN : 2

4.30.13

I follow my boss on Instagram to see if he's in the office or not.

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 1

4.30.13

Most of my older co-workers are divorced and it sincerely terrifies my newlywed self.

ABSOLVE : 44

CONDEMN : 1

4.30.13

We would rather spend money on recruiting new people when we win new business then retaining the talent who helped us win the business.

ABSOLVE : 8

CONDEMN : 40

4.30.13

Stop making me do 10 more options. Of course the first one was the best.

ABSOLVE : 58

CONDEMN : 1

4.30.13

I've been working as an Art Director for 8 years but I much prefer writing copy.

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 6

4.30.13

Jeans and t-shirts don't say "creative". They say "broke slob".

ABSOLVE : 15

CONDEMN : 55

4.30.13

Snickers Commercials: The home for Hollywood hasbeens. Maybe they got a volume discount?

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 3

4.30.13

My ECD has a 6th-grade reading level and his favorite band is ICP.

ABSOLVE : 7

CONDEMN : 31

4.30.13

Yeh, can you send me another, "while Im out of the office" email. Because, seriously, I care what you're doing...

ABSOLVE : 15

CONDEMN : 0

4.30.13

You are a Project Manager, not a Creative Director.

ABSOLVE : 50

CONDEMN : 12

4.30.13

I'd say the CCO is a sack of shit: but sacks of shit can be used to fertilize the soil and bring forth new and beautiful things into this world. I guess he's more of a radioactive waste spill.

ABSOLVE : 53

CONDEMN : 2

4.30.13

I never run spell check. Never.

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 26

4.30.13

Automatically assuming people in this industry who are successful are assholes automatically makes you an asshole.

ABSOLVE : 28

CONDEMN : 28

4.30.13

The guy who came up with the idea to advertise, is a stupid son of a bitch and if iI get to go back in time, I would fucking murder him in cold blood and make the world a better place where all artists and writers are actually doing something good for themselves and for others as well. The End.

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 21

4.29.13

Our Sr. Copywriter can't get promoted to ACD because the CD thinks he is fat. Life just ain't fair.

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 13

4.29.13

The ability to fart freely is directly proportional to job satisfaction which is why open floor plans make everyone fucking miserable.

ABSOLVE : 52

CONDEMN : 2

4.29.13

After being out of the office for a week, I just found a bag of Pork Crackling on my desk. WTF is going on here!?!?!?!?!

ABSOLVE : 18

CONDEMN : 1

4.29.13

My job has started to give me hives on a daily basis.

ABSOLVE : 25

CONDEMN : 1

4.29.13

I hate having to switch from my work laptop to my personal laptop to watch porn.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 14

4.29.13

I will never be successful in this industry because I'm not a big enough asshole.

ABSOLVE : 63

CONDEMN : 4

4.29.13

I fucking hate open floor plans.

ABSOLVE : 68

CONDEMN : 1

4.29.13

I hate it when my boss overuses the word 'hustle.' Just. Stop.

ABSOLVE : 18

CONDEMN : 1

4.29.13

Just saying "I don't like it." is not constructive criticism.

ABSOLVE : 73

CONDEMN : 1

4.29.13

When I didn't get a raise, on an already low salary (per industry standards), I stopped feeling guilty about doing freelance projects while at work.

ABSOLVE : 88

CONDEMN : 1

4.29.13

The only thing I'm "pumped" about this week is torrenting Game of Thrones from my work computer.

ABSOLVE : 39

CONDEMN : 2

4.29.13

My youth and beauty are wasted every day sitting in a box, staring at a monitor, building digital crap to make businesses more money. My ass grows. My brain shrinks. My precious minutes are spent.

ABSOLVE : 75

CONDEMN : 3

4.28.13

Every Sunday evening I think about suicide. Than I get up and go to my agency. Kind of a same thing.

ABSOLVE : 41

CONDEMN : 5

4.28.13

This week at work I'm going to try to be less cynical. I'll even go so far as to say I'll try to be positive. Except for the 3 hour WIP on Monday morning. During that I'll be a massive prick because it's a waste of mt precious time on this planet.

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 2

4.28.13

97% of Art directors studied art or design, 95% of copywriters studied writing or literature. 99% of AE's didn't study ANYTHING.

ABSOLVE : 76

CONDEMN : 8

4.28.13

RIP good advertising.

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 6

4.26.13

Stop bothering me with work -- I'm trying to watch the fuckin' draft.

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 12

4.26.13

My partner left for vacation today so I'm changing all of his copy

ABSOLVE : 8

CONDEMN : 35

4.26.13

I set up beautiful websites for clients in WordPress. They are allowed access to update the site. Two months later, the site looks like shit.

ABSOLVE : 61

CONDEMN : 5

4.26.13

I want to work on advertising for condoms so I can get paid to be creative and think about sex all day.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 2

4.26.13

Typical Friday. Nothing to do all morning and most of the afternoon, then a shit storm an hour before the end of the day.

ABSOLVE : 104

CONDEMN : 2

4.26.13

Being able to dickpunch clients who change their minds at 4pm on a Friday for something they need the next day? I wish there was an app for that.

ABSOLVE : 57

CONDEMN : 1

4.26.13

I've placed a Dream Catcher over my bed to fight off all my dreams of producing good work Legal kills everyday.

ABSOLVE : 13

CONDEMN : 1

4.25.13

Most of my writing projects aren't writing projects. They're Word doc formatting projects. Glad the client is paying a premium for creative.

ABSOLVE : 25

CONDEMN : 3

4.25.13

I buy whiskey not based on the looks, but on the necessity of it to get through the week...

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 2

4.25.13

No, in fact, the Jaguar branded content film is not good. It's a hacky piece of shit with terrible, wooden performances. Fuck you for wasting the opportunity. And time. And money. Oh, and BMW already did that. 12 years ago.

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 2

4.25.13

I have to take so many adderall to feel 'creative' every day at my 9-5.

ABSOLVE : 24

CONDEMN : 1

4.25.13

I have 222 unread work emails in my box.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 3

4.25.13

I once made the password for a video we made for a soul food festival "friedchicken." I was not ashamed of this.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 12

4.25.13

"Edgy" headlines take longer and cost more.

ABSOLVE : 31

CONDEMN : 2

4.25.13

I don't know what's more frustrating: Working with uncreative "Creatives", or being a creative "Non-creative"

ABSOLVE : 60

CONDEMN : 9

4.25.13

I have been working on this fucking outdoor for the past 7 months.

ABSOLVE : 21

CONDEMN : 0

4.24.13

The only cool thing i get to design, and not asked for any changes, is my desktop wallpaper.

ABSOLVE : 59

CONDEMN : 1

4.24.13

Sometimes I take screenshots and rename them and add .jpeg, so people think i actually took the time to save it as a jpeg.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 5

4.24.13

I spend more time trying to decipher bad cursive handwriting than the actual changes.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 0

4.24.13

I buy whiskey based on the looks of the bottle and I'm proud of it!

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 9

4.24.13

I'm a copywriter. I love to fuck men in the ass - and I am beautiful hetero girl. The most important thing - THEY ASK FOR MORE ;)

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 56

4.24.13

I've been around the ad business for forty years, and here's what I can tell you for sure: 1. Every era has its myopic nitwits who think this week is the most exciting, innovative, creative time ever. 2. Advertising today is no different than it ever was. It's mostly mediocre crap with the occasional light dusting of brilliance. The Ad Contrarian

ABSOLVE : 45

CONDEMN : 2

4.24.13

One of the most incompetent people I have ever worked with 'endorsed' me on LinkedIn. How do I delete that???

ABSOLVE : 53

CONDEMN : 3

4.24.13

I just took a job as a social media community manager.

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 45

4.24.13

When art directors still manage to make typos after a direct cut and paste job of my copy, I die a little bit inside each day.

ABSOLVE : 58

CONDEMN : 4

4.23.13

Actually just finished my advertising career yesterday telling my boss to go F herself....I am not sure what the next chapter of my life will be, but anything has got to be better than advertising

ABSOLVE : 74

CONDEMN : 3

4.23.13

Ferrero is the worst client ever.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 2

4.23.13

You know you've been in the car ad writing business when you are actually trying to talk your creative director INTO an ad that screams.

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 3

4.23.13

Spent the day designing my own "I quit 'dis bitch" t-shirt to announce my resignation. I haven't been offered another job yet, but when I am, I'll be ready for Friday Casual.

ABSOLVE : 28

CONDEMN : 2

4.23.13

I want to design a web site with Parallax scrolling just because it's cool.

ABSOLVE : 19

CONDEMN : 6

4.23.13

I wrote the manual.

ABSOLVE : 6

CONDEMN : 5

4.23.13

Sometimes I actually enjoy a day booked end to end with meetings. It makes it easier do nothing productive and get away with it.

ABSOLVE : 61

CONDEMN : 2

4.23.13

And I was canned for not sitting at my desk until 8pm.

ABSOLVE : 59

CONDEMN : 7

4.23.13

I just got canned. And I'm fine with it.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 1

4.23.13

These deck images are going to look great in my portfolio!

ABSOLVE : 21

CONDEMN : 3

4.23.13

I thought my first confession would be best written while on a conference call where our SVP's roll out our new agency name and plan of action for the company. After I submit this confession, I'll be looking at indeed.com for the remainder of this call.

ABSOLVE : 7

CONDEMN : 2

4.23.13

Should I be embarrassed for putting facebook ads in my portfolio?

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 43

4.23.13

AEs are dumb prancing whores. They only exist because creatives don't want to have to deal with stupid clients on a daily basis.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 11

4.23.13

Advertising is an industry of egos. BEWARE.

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 0

4.23.13

Working on Philips has traumatized me. Now my house is full of GE bulbs.

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 0

4.23.13

Irresponsible workers should just stay at home and be a farmer.

ABSOLVE : 9

CONDEMN : 4

4.22.13

I'd like to apologise to every one of my design tutors for the word-art, sunburst logo that I'm about to professionally create.

ABSOLVE : 27

CONDEMN : 1

4.22.13

I went to university so that i could stop the exact work i have ended up doing and i hate every second of it.

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 1

4.22.13

Never using chrome before at work, I opened it today and was like what is this "incognito" browser window... Then I found the dude that used to work on my computers stash of porn. Then showed my coworker and she told me he used to take really long bathroom breaks...

ABSOLVE : 4

CONDEMN : 1

4.22.13

I just quit my job, and I am done with this fucking industry forever...I just could not take it anymore

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 2

4.22.13

I wish this agency had conjugal visits.

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 2

4.22.13

Forget ad schools. Go out and sell something.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 5

4.22.13

Being tall is not overrated. I promise you potential clients agree with me.

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 7

4.22.13

I can't tell if some of the people I work with eat powdered donuts for breakfast or do lines of blow in the morning.

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 0

4.22.13

I wonder daily who originally saw potential in the people working on the client-side. Shouldn't hiring be a selective process or are there only idiots applying for jobs nowadays?

ABSOLVE : 5

CONDEMN : 2

4.22.13

I like to embarass people who still do not understand how and where the PDFs get downloaded to their computer from the website. Come on modern-day analphbets, get your act together and tune in to the 21st century

ABSOLVE : 2

CONDEMN : 2

4.21.13

I checked a woman purchasing DOVE soap in the drugstore. Yep, the editor had flipped the sketches in the commercial.

ABSOLVE : 10

CONDEMN : 10

4.21.13

I practice 4 hours a day how to fake laugh with colleagues and clients, I have to say, I'm getting better at something.

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 2

4.20.13

I think it's okay to like your own ideas.

ABSOLVE : 79

CONDEMN : 2

4.20.13

i have a principle of never lying to clients, which inevitably ends with me lying to myself about how i'm not lying to my clients.

ABSOLVE : 24

CONDEMN : 2

4.19.13

If I see one ad that capitalizes on the tragedy in Boston I will cut them.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 5

4.19.13

I love the people I work with. I mean only creatives, I so much love spending time with them I kind of look forward to monday only to hang out in the office. for work I dont give a shit, I give my best only to prolong the hanging out part... did I mention I am a girl with 5 guys in the office? office gangbanging ... dream on ... monday... oh who gives a shit I ll probably end up with at least one of them... luscious copywriter that's me fuck yeah

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 73

4.19.13

If I see one more creative resume that says "think of me as a problem solver" I'm gonna wipe my ass with the resume and mail it back to them.

ABSOLVE : 44

CONDEMN : 3

4.19.13

My new job starts in one week. I'm removing CSS & HTML from my resume. Off to the glorious land of vector for all eternity and I'm never looking back.

ABSOLVE : 48

CONDEMN : 1

4.19.13

I feel sorry for some of the people on here, but not as sorry as I feel for myself.

ABSOLVE : 48

CONDEMN : 3

4.19.13

At least twice a month I need to explain to someone that unlike my coworkers, I cannot do my job from a Blackberry or iPhone. Since I at least need a computer and internet access, I cannot deal with your "emergency" when I'm out of town/at a grocery store/restaurant/doctor/wedding.

ABSOLVE : 57

CONDEMN : 2

4.19.13

"Right booking now" and "Ship my pants." That's what this industry has come to, isn't it?

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 3

4.19.13

I take screen shots when my confessions get published and save them in a folder on my desktop. One day I'll quit by printing these, taping them all over the walls, and just leaving without a word to anyone.

ABSOLVE : 105

CONDEMN : 1

4.19.13

I browse craigslist everyday to find people near me that are selling cheap mini fridges so I can finally have a bar under my desk.

ABSOLVE : 31

CONDEMN : 3

4.19.13

I am perpetually living Einstein's definition of insanity - and he's right.

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 1

4.18.13

I think that saying the client's name six times in a :30 just about covers it, thanks.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 1

4.18.13

Brad Pitt can't out act me in a meeting pretending to give a shit.

ABSOLVE : 47

CONDEMN : 2

4.18.13

To my CD: the walls in this office are so thin that closing the door actually makes it easier to hear you. And I like you much less than you tell people I do.

ABSOLVE : 25

CONDEMN : 1

4.18.13

My boss just told me that an ad I made was "a little too auschwitz-y." I had no words.

ABSOLVE : 40

CONDEMN : 1

4.18.13

While the new Lucky Strike logo is nothing special, it sure as hell beats the old one. I'm goddamn sick of you other designers having fits anything old (and painfully dated) gets a redesign. Maybe they'll redesign PBR cans next so all the hipsters will have a collective aneurism!

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 8

4.18.13

I use photobooth to pop zits in my office.

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 24

4.18.13

I use my mac camera to pop zits in my office.

ABSOLVE : 4

CONDEMN : 6

4.18.13

How much do we charge for "just" a logo? Fuck you.

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 1

4.18.13

Dear its-okay-to-shit-at-work, No. Hell no.

ABSOLVE : 13

CONDEMN : 41

4.18.13

There is a nearly empty bottle of wine behind our coffee maker. We don't judge what goes into your mug here.

ABSOLVE : 51

CONDEMN : 1

4.18.13

I put fake meetings on my calendar to seem like I am not available until at least next week

ABSOLVE : 45

CONDEMN : 4

4.18.13

I just completed the best color separation of my career, and now my clients are flooding me with requests for ever more complex illustrations to separate that are due to print early next week. I need to stop raising the fucking bar.

ABSOLVE : 45

CONDEMN : 1

4.18.13

So, wait. You want me to use "at the top of our game" AND "creating game-changing solutions for your business?" Slow down there, Six Sigma B2B asshole. Let me get my copy of Fast Company and cherry pick some other equally douchey but far less used Inc., Inc. bullshit buzzwords

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 1

4.18.13

My Facebook posts are better executed than this job I'm working on.

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 1

4.18.13

I can only work and care so much before secretly rooting for the pitch to lose. At least then it would be done and over with.

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 2

4.18.13

A client sent over a fancy cheese plate as a 'thank you', but it didn't have brie. How can a cheese gift be taken seriously without brie?

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 38

4.18.13

I hate it whenever we get awarded, all of a sudden client demands more than ever as if their budget can be changed. damn it.

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 2

4.18.13

i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing. i hate debriefing.

ABSOLVE : 21

CONDEMN : 3

4.18.13

There's a reason there are Playboy magazines in the office toilet.

ABSOLVE : 13

CONDEMN : 13

4.17.13

The biggest problem with within advertising is the people here who don't understand it. They got into the industry because they thought it was for hot people and parties.

ABSOLVE : 7

CONDEMN : 0

4.17.13

I love the false sense of awesomeness Miami Ad School hammers into its students. Makes me crushing their hopes, dreams and aspirations a lot more fun.

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 15

4.17.13

I recommended changing creative to a fundraising campaign to play up the charity angle to capitalize on the Boston Marathon tragedy. My boss agreed with me. I am the worst form of human.

ABSOLVE : 4

CONDEMN : 53

4.17.13

My ad school is full of narcissists.

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 5

4.17.13

Some of my best work is done only after completely ignoring my agency's shitty, poorly-written creative briefs.

ABSOLVE : 56

CONDEMN : 4

4.17.13

I hate that the boss dumps his spawn with me (the designer) on 'Take Your Brat to Work Day'... because my job is so 'fun' and I use a 'cool tablet'.

ABSOLVE : 40

CONDEMN : 2

4.16.13

Is it a sad indictment on my world view that I can't help but cynically think that the Dove ad is contrived and just a bit fake?

ABSOLVE : 63

CONDEMN : 14

4.16.13

I have no clue how to improve anymore and it depresses me greatly. Studying and practicing isn't enough to be great.

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 8

4.16.13

When CDs tell you "Push it further" they mean "I'll can this one later."

ABSOLVE : 27

CONDEMN : 3

4.16.13

This advertising shit is bottom of the barrel. Hack copywriters and shitty designers, moronic account people, and imbecilic clients. Thank god for Jack Daniel's!

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 7

4.16.13

The new Dove spot out of Brazil is a fucking awesome idea well-executed. I wish I'd thought of it. And I wish I got to say that more often.

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 16

4.16.13

If I don't know what to put in the 'subject' line of an email, I won't send the email.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 4

4.16.13

My building can be seen from the highway. Every evening I flip it off from the on ramp.

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 1

4.16.13

Sat in my first meeting in over four years of being a freelancer...how do you fucking people do that day after day?

ABSOLVE : 71

CONDEMN : 6

4.16.13

The hardest part of my job is trying to figure out how to tell the client to go fuck themselves and still get paid.

ABSOLVE : 83

CONDEMN : 1

4.16.13

Before advertising I was kind and mature. Now - I'm a childish asshole.

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 12

4.16.13

Biggest accomplishments this week: getting retweeted by industry peers, getting my mad skills indorsed via linkedin, and of course being published here! I'd like to thank the academy and tiny 8lbs 6oz baby Jesus in his golden fleece diapers...

ABSOLVE : 13

CONDEMN : 58

4.16.13

i'm a freelance copywriter and now i feel like a hooker that did a shitty blowjob

ABSOLVE : 41

CONDEMN : 10

4.15.13

I just spent two hours looking for the perfect picture of a glazed doughnut.

ABSOLVE : 111

CONDEMN : 2

4.15.13

When the e-mail shuts down everyone freaks out! just remember that tis industry was built on typewriters, and scotch.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 5

4.15.13

I don't get the difference between 'traditional' and 'digital' creatives. I write shitty, soulless lines; does it really fucking matter where they go?

ABSOLVE : 80

CONDEMN : 6

4.15.13

I like a good poop after a day shooting.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 2

4.15.13

Lunch hour is the new Happy Hour.

ABSOLVE : 51

CONDEMN : 1

4.15.13

Dear clients who call at 8am on Monday- feel free to eat a bag of dicks until we come in around 10. Thanks!

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 13

4.15.13

I just spent 15 minutes playing with the Leonhard Euler google home page.

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 2

4.15.13

'Go to town on it.' Die.

ABSOLVE : 47

CONDEMN : 3

4.15.13

Sometimes I think my ACD is nuts. And I believe in him.

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 4

4.15.13

I love getting sushi, watching Mad Men, and making old fashioneds every Sunday.

ABSOLVE : 19

CONDEMN : 41

4.15.13

You are not a "storyteller." You are a salesman who hasn't read a book in five years.

ABSOLVE : 51

CONDEMN : 2

4.15.13

Tip: If a copywriter is being mean, just say "I'm sorry you never got that novel written. 20 years ago."

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 27

4.14.13

9 out of 10 people in the bathroom at my work are hiding.

ABSOLVE : 52

CONDEMN : 2

4.14.13

Gramma wanted me to be a nurse, but I didn't want to have to deal with other people's shit. So I went in to advertising. Gramma was right.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 1

4.13.13

As a Digital creative, I'm starting to see Traditional creatives regaining their power. This makes me nervous.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 14

4.13.13

My CD always picks the throwaway lines I add to make the list look longer.

ABSOLVE : 27

CONDEMN : 1

4.13.13

I'm freelancing at a weekly rate. How/why did I ever think this was a good idea.

ABSOLVE : 25

CONDEMN : 7

4.13.13

I'm as likely to use the blow job ethic as a cow is to eat grass

ABSOLVE : 12

CONDEMN : 10

4.13.13

I'm female. This industry has the darkest underbelly that I've ever seen. And my best friend is a hooker. I'm not kidding.

ABSOLVE : 76

CONDEMN : 1

4.12.13

Highlight of the day: They fixed the coffee machine.

ABSOLVE : 63

CONDEMN : 4

4.12.13

Now I can't decide if I should keep Tweeting with #agencylife or should I keep coming here to find the best bitches and moans. Maybe both when I'm not busy making round 53 changes to the fucking copy you cunt of a client.

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 2

4.12.13

I do most of my "award winning" work while smashed on Kestrel Super. Also, I steal toilet roll from the company loos.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 3

4.12.13

The client wants an "emotionally warm" blue without any yellow in it, and I just want them to go fuck themselves.

ABSOLVE : 76

CONDEMN : 2

4.12.13

Ever notice that the people who are the most enthusiastic about the open floor office plan are the ones who will be keeping their private offices whilst everyone else is herded into a large room and treated like chattel

ABSOLVE : 76

CONDEMN : 1

4.12.13

Working on the weekends causes Friday to lose all meaning.

ABSOLVE : 71

CONDEMN : 1

4.12.13

When did the phrase "more branding" become a thing?

ABSOLVE : 36

CONDEMN : 2

4.12.13

My AE just got down on his knees & told me to come in on a Sunday.

ABSOLVE : 24

CONDEMN : 12

4.12.13

im totally stealing this idea for a client project

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 16

4.12.13

Is it 5 o'clock yet?

ABSOLVE : 49

CONDEMN : 3

4.12.13

I have an X-Acto knife in my desk drawer. And I know how to use it.

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 4

4.12.13

#AgencyLife

ABSOLVE : 6

CONDEMN : 40

4.12.13

You're a COPYwriter, not a real writer. Off your high horse now.

ABSOLVE : 36

CONDEMN : 38

4.12.13

I let a client ruin their own logo design with 'suggestions' and 'little tweaks' because I ran out of energy to care about it anymore.

ABSOLVE : 128

CONDEMN : 1

4.11.13

I want a job where I'd come across this site and have no idea what any of it means.

ABSOLVE : 87

CONDEMN : 1

4.11.13

The New lucky strike logo is shit. Who came up with the bright idea to get a new logo for such an iconic brand for cigarettes?

ABSOLVE : 41

CONDEMN : 1

4.11.13

Our ECD loves throwing around names of big time directors whenever we work on TV spots. We work our way down from there. Way down.

ABSOLVE : 12

CONDEMN : 0

4.11.13

I think all digital creatives are frauds.

ABSOLVE : 31

CONDEMN : 48

4.11.13

Stop picking me up at bars by saying "Oh, you're like Mad Men". Go fuck yourself.

ABSOLVE : 44

CONDEMN : 3

4.11.13

Sounds idealistic, but after surviving this agency I will never let a legitimate opportunity to think conceptually go to waste.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 1

4.11.13

My guy says I can stay home if I have children- seriously considering it...

ABSOLVE : 41

CONDEMN : 5

4.11.13

Working for mediocre people with mediocre standards sets my bar lower and lower each day. When I come to work, I actually care less about doing creative and relevant work and care more about what I'm going to post on Creative Confessional.

ABSOLVE : 77

CONDEMN : 1

4.11.13

There's an interviewee in the office, I'm scrambling to find a way to warn him to run away and never look back without alerting the CCO.

ABSOLVE : 51

CONDEMN : 1

4.11.13

I am escaping. 3 months 2 weeks 4 days.

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 1

4.11.13

I just got my third pretend* raise in so many years. *approved for a raise, but raises not approved due to budgets.

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 1

4.10.13

I'm a copywriter. I don't need to know or care to know what the fuck or where the fuck the server is.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 37

4.10.13

In this company, a glaring void of common sense is a prerequisite for management.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 3

4.10.13

When I find new videos or sites from around the web, I always tell coworkers "my friend just sent me this", so they don't know how much time I spend on Buzzfeed.

ABSOLVE : 66

CONDEMN : 4

4.10.13

Gotta love a CD who puts their job on the line selling your crappy ideas but has neither the skill nor the talent to improve them. Pity the fool who has to work with that hack.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 5

4.10.13

How many times do you refresh your personal email in a day...hoping to get an interview...somewhere...refresh...refresh...refresh....

ABSOLVE : 52

CONDEMN : 1

4.10.13

AE called to see if I was busy. I said "yes". In the middle of watching a documentary about whales that I haven't been able to finish for the past month.

ABSOLVE : 39

CONDEMN : 5

4.10.13

Just because a keyboard is sitting in front of you, it does not naturally follow that you know how to write. Just like watching online porn is not the same as having sex.

ABSOLVE : 40

CONDEMN : 1

4.10.13

My agency moves the fun toys that showcase our playful culture down to the lobby when clients or potential clients come to the office.

ABSOLVE : 7

CONDEMN : 31

4.10.13

Dear Small Business Owner, having access to binder clips, a working copier and an unbroken chair is not a workplace benefit, I actually need them to do my job correctly. Do not look at me as if I'm asking you to buy me a pony and a hot tub.

ABSOLVE : 61

CONDEMN : 0

4.10.13

Copywriting. It's so easy, a caveman can do it.

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 55

4.10.13

To the person who thinks CDs have a "cush" job: Who do you think puts their job on the line every time we need to present your crappy idea to the client?

ABSOLVE : 18

CONDEMN : 36

4.10.13

Stop touching my screen, bitch!

ABSOLVE : 44

CONDEMN : 2

4.10.13

I'm gonna work on a documantry for the AE people, Im gonna call it " the return of the bendovers"

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 8

4.10.13

It's pretty cute when planners show me what they "designed," like it's something to be proud of. There's a reason you're a planner.

ABSOLVE : 36

CONDEMN : 8

4.9.13

No...that is not a concept, that is an execution.

ABSOLVE : 48

CONDEMN : 1

4.9.13

I am art director. Me no write.

ABSOLVE : 58

CONDEMN : 9

4.9.13

Craigslist is the worst thing to ever happen to creatives. "I'm 18 and own a digital camera!" "Will you photograph my wedding for $200?" "Sure!" What a Stupid Fucking Asshole.

ABSOLVE : 41

CONDEMN : 3

4.9.13

Starting to realize how cushy the CD role is. Do nothing, accept credit.

ABSOLVE : 25

CONDEMN : 23

4.9.13

We never get new business because we just regurgitate what everyone else has already done.

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 4

4.9.13

I was promised Mad Men; I ended up with The Science of Sleep.

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 1

4.9.13

I love writing copy. I hate writing copy.

ABSOLVE : 47

CONDEMN : 0

4.8.13

I have an Etsy shop.

ABSOLVE : 28

CONDEMN : 22

4.8.13

I grew a mustache just to piss my boss off.

ABSOLVE : 62

CONDEMN : 1

4.8.13

Don't give me a deadline of ASAP if you can't send me your shit ASAP. If you are going to take an extra hour, well so am I.

ABSOLVE : 122

CONDEMN : 2

4.8.13

Please, for the love of god, finalize your tagline. I don't want to work on fifteen versions of your creative because you can't agree on a comma or a semicolon.

ABSOLVE : 62

CONDEMN : 2

4.8.13

I know for a fact that I make less money than the people who ring up my groceries at Whole Foods.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 5

4.8.13

I freelance small websites on the side for the extra cash, but also because I truly believe any asshole with a college degree can generate copy.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 52

4.8.13

I fucking hate Mondays after Mad Men. Shut the fuck up about this fantasy show. Advertising is nothing like this and never will be. You work in the equivalent of an accounting firm these days, just accept it and stop telling people at bars that you're a "Mad Man". Get a fucking life.

ABSOLVE : 87

CONDEMN : 5

4.8.13

I just read that confession about donut holes. I'd be irritated at how badly it's written, but I'm too busy thinking about donut holes.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 1

4.8.13

Why are so many CDs passive-aggressive? Just say what you mean and mean what you say.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 1

4.7.13

I fucking hate it when my first sunday mail start with "Good morning and trust you had a great weekend."

ABSOLVE : 42

CONDEMN : 3

4.5.13

What bothers me infinitely more than the stuff that happens in my agency is that it seems no one here can use capitalisation and grammar properly. Art directors get a pass, but copywriters need to step their game up.

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 7

4.5.13

2/3rds of these confessions seem like petty issues and misguided sense of entilement bedazzled with good copy.

ABSOLVE : 60

CONDEMN : 27

4.5.13

My art director just ordered a tofu sandwich. I'm getting a new art director.

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 27

4.5.13

I've never watched a single episode of Mad Men.

ABSOLVE : 96

CONDEMN : 12

4.5.13

i was bribed with donut-holes to "like" our companies Facebook page..sure i said..i got the donut holes....i dont have a facebook. thanks

ABSOLVE : 51

CONDEMN : 3

4.5.13

Sending me random Behance links to other people's work is not a creative brief!

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 1

4.5.13

Spending more and more time on this site. Sometimes I steal your smart posts for my presentations. thx!

ABSOLVE : 18

CONDEMN : 30

4.5.13

In my spare time, I like to make romantic memes and post them on popular Facebook group walls.

ABSOLVE : 6

CONDEMN : 19

4.4.13

But it's just one line.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 3

4.4.13

Could you tidy up this powerpoint I did urgently? Are you f$%#^*n kidding me?

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 7

4.4.13

If you answer your phone during a meeting, I consider the meeting adjourned.

ABSOLVE : 92

CONDEMN : 2

4.4.13

What kind of dickhead schedules regular meetings for Friday afternoons?

ABSOLVE : 51

CONDEMN : 0

4.4.13

"Skip ad". My two favorite words.

ABSOLVE : 40

CONDEMN : 0

4.4.13

I just completely ripped the new Subaru spot about backseats, and subsequently pissed off all the women in my office. I'm sorry, but if I am buying a car, it is not for the back seat.

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 12

4.4.13

We love it!... "but"...

ABSOLVE : 50

CONDEMN : 5

4.4.13

Every time someone pitches ideas for a new TV series, my bosses instantly jump at those ideas and rip them to pieces, apparently trying to 'improve' them and make them 'more original'. The place saw nothing new for 3 years, with only lots of old ideas being discussed again and again with no resolve in sight. I quit the fucking company and am now working on an individual basis where i feel that my ideas and creations are more valued.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 1

4.4.13

I go crazy in my head when I get 9 emails about a single banner that needs to be printed. Why the fuck do people do that?

ABSOLVE : 36

CONDEMN : 1

4.4.13

I'm sent "briefs" like the following all the time: "The sign size they would like to have is 48x48. If you could put the photo on the right side of the page maybe bottom right corner up to the half page mark. Actually maybe up a bit, because they would like the wording let our family help your family find a home under their photo. Then across the top have JUDY AND DICK [last name] the centered under that put realtors Then Judy's cell XXX-XXXX and Dick XXX-XXXX" THIS CALLS FOR ADDITIONAL UPCHARGE FOR HAVING TO DECIFER THE MESSAGE!

ABSOLVE : 31

CONDEMN : 1

4.4.13

I cannot "quickly create some copy."

ABSOLVE : 59

CONDEMN : 4

4.4.13

I hate making forms in Acrobat. Honestly, I just hate Acrobat. You would think updating it every week would actually fix some of the problems.

ABSOLVE : 51

CONDEMN : 2

4.4.13

If I have to put "seamlessly" on one more damn piece, I am done. Done.

ABSOLVE : 31

CONDEMN : 0

4.4.13

AE - "I hear what you're saying about hierarchy but could you try the changes I suggested? Just so I can see what it looks like. Thanks! ;)" Translation? 'You're my bitch.'

ABSOLVE : 59

CONDEMN : 1

4.4.13

I just shot down the Marketing Director for asking me to put a QR Code on a Direct Mailer.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 1

4.4.13

I received an email from an AE which said: "Please see below and attached, and react accordingly." So I deleted it.

ABSOLVE : 83

CONDEMN : 1

4.3.13

If you publicly announce your diet, I will immediately start bringing donuts on a regular basis until you give up.

ABSOLVE : 58

CONDEMN : 27

4.3.13

When a client asks for consumer insights I just make up something to fit the copy I've already written.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 3

4.3.13

I overheard someone say "I nap during lunch, so I can lose some weight." I hope they were kidding.

ABSOLVE : 12

CONDEMN : 5

4.3.13

I'm a copywriter, yet I don't know the difference between affect and effect.

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 110

4.3.13

I wrote copy for the wrapper of a Filet-o-Fish today. Career high or career low?

ABSOLVE : 51

CONDEMN : 11

4.3.13

I cleaned the coffee stains off my desk and my boss asked me if I was quitting.

ABSOLVE : 88

CONDEMN : 1

4.3.13

I work at a digital interactive advertising agency. Every time the boss comes back from a big installation or even, he dumps his photos on me to process. Half are blown out, blurry, and completely useless. The other half are good quality pics of any attractive, young woman who happened to be there that day. I'm thinking of bringing this comprehensive collection to his wife's attention.

ABSOLVE : 53

CONDEMN : 8

4.3.13

Being a proofreader at an ad agency is like being a garbage man. I get to clean up the mess made by copywriters and art directors.

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 12

4.3.13

Yes, I go to my office on sundays just to be apart from my family.

ABSOLVE : 15

CONDEMN : 67

4.3.13

WE CHOSE YOUR DESIGN! but let's change the headline, sub head, layout, type, colors, and add these logos! Oh and can we get this done by EOD? great thanks.

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 2

4.3.13

From time to time I want to be a big dictator.

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 2

4.3.13

If not for alcohol and drugs, the suicide rate for our industry would be insane.

ABSOLVE : 93

CONDEMN : 3

4.3.13

Most days I'd rather be driving a bus than writing the ads placed on the side of them.

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 1

4.2.13

I just condemned someone so that their condemn number would be higher than their absolve number.

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 54

4.2.13

Bold typeface is for emphasis. Not every word in your document is that important.

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 1

4.2.13

Budgets ruin creativity.

ABSOLVE : 88

CONDEMN : 22

4.2.13

An AE just said: "Creative is not an excuse to be stupid." Now I get why she's an AE.

ABSOLVE : 49

CONDEMN : 4

4.2.13

Working long hours is not an excuse not to bathe. Just throwing that out there.

ABSOLVE : 68

CONDEMN : 4

4.2.13

I hate the word "play" in all its iterations.

ABSOLVE : 24

CONDEMN : 1

4.1.13

Enough is enough, I am leaving my agency as the Sr. PM in order to start my own company where I will be the ECD. I am done managing things that pollute the internet with ugliness.

ABSOLVE : 45

CONDEMN : 7

4.1.13

Old plan for the future: be a successful designer. New plan for the future: marry rich boyfriend and be happy.

ABSOLVE : 81

CONDEMN : 18

4.1.13

I swear I'd work harder if my co-workers would dress better.

ABSOLVE : 41

CONDEMN : 22

4.1.13

I have one word for you if you think I care about the crap writing assignment because you don't want to do it: Freelancer.

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 7

4.1.13

Rewrites cost money and time. So go ahead and have me add irrelevant bullshit to fill space on your site, but know you're getting charged exponentially for how much you're annoying the fuck out of me.

ABSOLVE : 63

CONDEMN : 1

4.1.13

When some says that a piece of copy needs some "wordsmithing" I know that's shorthand for trying to polish a turd.

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 1

4.1.13

I stalk fans as a Social Media Manager.

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 18

4.1.13

Facebook just served me an ad that I wrote. I laughed, not because it's funny, but because my life is meaningless.

ABSOLVE : 131

CONDEMN : 0

3.31.13

I'm doing yet another round of shit retail work on Easter Sunday. I'm sure that even little baby Jesus would absolve me for kicking my cd in his tiny gonads. Newsflash: Regardless of how much you buff your turd projects, your 49 year-old ass is getting canned, along with most of us, next month when new breaks that your account walked. What's the "idea" you ask? THE IDEA IS TO EAT DINNER WITH MY FUCKING FAMILY. Asshole.

ABSOLVE : 57

CONDEMN : 3

3.31.13

The most annoying question I ever get asked is "What kind of advertising do you do?"

ABSOLVE : 45

CONDEMN : 3

3.31.13

When i stopped taking this industry seriously my life satisfaction went up substantially. I'm only in it for the money now and I"ll seek creative fulfillment elsewhere.

ABSOLVE : 100

CONDEMN : 2

3.31.13

My Bill Bernbach tattoo is actually a reproduction of the famous "hang in there" kitty.

ABSOLVE : 8

CONDEMN : 6

3.30.13

I like working on weekends.

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 76

3.30.13

I came in with the flu so I could lick my bosses phone

ABSOLVE : 96

CONDEMN : 3

3.29.13

The only thing I hate more than this job are the people who love this job.

ABSOLVE : 80

CONDEMN : 14

3.29.13

When no one is looking, I punch your annoying dog square in in its fat, drool-covered snout.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 157

3.29.13

Digital advertising is one baby step above direct mail.

ABSOLVE : 90

CONDEMN : 16

3.29.13

When I am forced to travel with clients I always come up with a reason to take a separate flight so I don't have to listen to them for hours on end

ABSOLVE : 108

CONDEMN : 2

3.29.13

I'm happier freelancing than I ever was working in an agency.

ABSOLVE : 100

CONDEMN : 1

3.28.13

My job title is "receptionist", which is a politically correct way of saying "person who will pick used toothpicks/chewed coffee stirrers up off the floor and throw them in the trash", "person who will clean shit and hair off the carpets in our dog-friendly office", "person who should know the answer to every question, ever", "person who will babysit your brats when you bring them to the office"; basically, "person who is everyone's bitch."

ABSOLVE : 89

CONDEMN : 2

3.28.13

To the self righteous assholes that would rather impress other designers than fulfill client goals or make things useable. I like your style.

ABSOLVE : 53

CONDEMN : 14

3.28.13

I don't do drugs.

ABSOLVE : 87

CONDEMN : 35

3.28.13

I deeply despise 99.9% of the work I've done while working at ad agencies for 14 years.

ABSOLVE : 52

CONDEMN : 3

3.28.13

Calling me a "design guru" makes me want to punch you in the fucking throat, asshole!

ABSOLVE : 56

CONDEMN : 3

3.28.13

No body cares. You aren't special. Stop telling the world about your every action and feeling. Stop screaming for attention. "In the future everyone will have their fifteen minutes of fame" - Andy Warhol, you're an asshole.

ABSOLVE : 49

CONDEMN : 14

3.28.13

I've concluded it is far better to scrape by creating great work than making a fortune spewing out the shit that makes clients happy. Money is useless past our mortal lives, but what we make lasts far beyond.

ABSOLVE : 45

CONDEMN : 53

3.28.13

Clean out the frig/microwave? Um no, that's gross and way below my pay grade. But to help out, I'll sit in my office and read personal e-mails. Cuz I'm a team player.

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 12

3.28.13

I would rather do anything for a job than be a web designer. On my way into the office today I passed a man mixing concrete to fix the fence in front of my building and was secretly jealous of him.

ABSOLVE : 92

CONDEMN : 4

3.28.13

Yeah I am a graphic design snob. Yeah I only want to do work that will impress other graphic design snobs. If I was a fashion designer, my life goal wouldn't be creating T-Shirts for Walmart. If I was a gourmet chef, I wouldn't cater my dishes to the tastes of those who only eat food from 7-11. If you have a problem with this, don't give me any of that "not doing it for the awards" bullshit, just admit you suck.

ABSOLVE : 56

CONDEMN : 38

3.28.13

I regret being nice to an AE who now won't leave me the fsck alone.

ABSOLVE : 37

CONDEMN : 7

3.28.13

I took a job out of desperation at a company that does shitty work, that I don't believe in, and that I am embarrassed to work at. It was supposed to be temporary but I've stayed for 7 years. I have an offer at another firm but it comes with only the same pay and slightly less security and benefits. It will very likely mean more hours. I accepted the job knowing that I'm putting my family at slight risk and limiting my time with them, but I know that I will go crazy if I stay where I am any longer.

ABSOLVE : 84

CONDEMN : 2

3.27.13

I can't truly respect any creative who isn't doing this as a day job.

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 27

3.27.13

I play Farmville at work because it's the only thing I have control over here.

ABSOLVE : 64

CONDEMN : 2

3.27.13

I just caught myself feeling completely frustrated as "I can not grasp the mindset nor the language of today's youth". I just turned 27.

ABSOLVE : 60

CONDEMN : 2

3.27.13

I like to include smiley faces in emails where I politely & discretely tell account people to go fuck themselves.

ABSOLVE : 69

CONDEMN : 8

3.27.13

I always put my dirty dishes in the office dishwasher, not the sink. However, I don't bother to check if the other dishes are clean or dirty.

ABSOLVE : 25

CONDEMN : 35

3.27.13

Client: "I love this. Which is exactly why our customers aren't going to like it."

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 11

3.27.13

Decorating your office to look like a bar doesn't make you look cool, bro. It makes you look like an washed up alcoholic frat boy. That, and your bloated, greasy moobs.

ABSOLVE : 52

CONDEMN : 3

3.27.13

Some of these confessions hit so close, my eyes tear up. I'm a 38 yr. old man.

ABSOLVE : 74

CONDEMN : 2

3.27.13

Funny how straight men in advertising equate looking nice with wearing a blazer.

ABSOLVE : 53

CONDEMN : 4

3.27.13

If another job kickstart begins with "guys I don't have any of the information you need but I still need you to start working on it right away can we review tomorrow sometime because that's what I've promised the client." I'm going to set fire to the account manager's car.

ABSOLVE : 65

CONDEMN : 0

3.27.13

I hate the word, 'ideation'. What the fuck is wrong with saying 'conceptualising'?!

ABSOLVE : 60

CONDEMN : 2

3.26.13

Sales Manager, "Can you download this and print it for me" Me, "Yes and so can you, click download and then click print, Have a nice day"

ABSOLVE : 64

CONDEMN : 3

3.26.13

I think I will get fired because today I refused to do a 'Keep Calm and Carry on' poster.

ABSOLVE : 92

CONDEMN : 2

3.26.13

I wiped my junk on the hand receiver of the douche in account service. Now when he is selling me out to the clients he is smelling my balls.

ABSOLVE : 46

CONDEMN : 21

3.26.13

I'm responsible for the 'Grooveshark Laughing Baby' banner. Sorry.

ABSOLVE : 7

CONDEMN : 26

3.26.13

I'm a good copywriter, but I think I'm dyslexic. Didn't know until I started writing long form ads.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 6

3.26.13

I enthusiastically participate in facebook slacktivism while doing nothing in real life about political or social issues whatsoever.

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 32

3.26.13

I enthusiastically participate in facebook slacktivism while doing nothing in real life about political or social issues whatsoever.

ABSOLVE : 3

CONDEMN : 7

3.26.13

Boss/Anyone- Don't ask me questions you can answer yourself. I am not magic or psychic. I have the same internet that you have.

ABSOLVE : 71

CONDEMN : 3

3.26.13

I just told a project manager "Sorry I would have finished that sooner but then I realized I dont give a fuck"

ABSOLVE : 92

CONDEMN : 6

3.26.13

Whenever the young hot-shot, know-it-all, Miami Ad school art director is out, I add fonts to his computer to create conflicts. It's fun to see someone who knows everything whine like a little bitch because they don't know what to do.

ABSOLVE : 76

CONDEMN : 7

3.26.13

I just fired a client.

ABSOLVE : 209

CONDEMN : 3

3.26.13

My CD has epic halitosis, and he has no idea.

ABSOLVE : 27

CONDEMN : 4

3.26.13

THIS DUBIOUS FACT JUST IN: SOCIAL MEDIA PEOPLE ARE COMPLETE AND UTTERLY UNABLE TO CARRY ON A HUMAN INTERACTION.

ABSOLVE : 31

CONDEMN : 6

3.25.13

beers taste better when you pull them from that annoying account guy's fridge

ABSOLVE : 82

CONDEMN : 2

3.25.13

I have no respect for creative people or agencies whenall of their work looks or sounds the same. It's not a "style" it's lack of creativity and originality.

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 3

3.25.13

Today I found a program that took 2 minutes to do an organization/inventory project budgeted for 60 hours. Need to let management know I'm open for all the other projects now. Right after I tell the cops where I keep my drugs.

ABSOLVE : 116

CONDEMN : 3

3.25.13

It's 3:00 pm and I want a Gin and Tonic.

ABSOLVE : 103

CONDEMN : 2

3.25.13

I am a 27-year-old Senior Copywriter with no College Education and a GED.

ABSOLVE : 42

CONDEMN : 2

3.25.13

If you are an AE and you talk like a cheerleader, don't expected to be taken seriously. "Super-awesome," are not words that command respect.

ABSOLVE : 65

CONDEMN : 2

3.25.13

Yes, if you come in to interview with a low-cut sweater and are competent, I will give you the job. If you have sex with me, I will give you promotions - but, you will always be a whore!

ABSOLVE : 21

CONDEMN : 112

3.25.13

I hate working with one CD so much that I want to twist his testicle off with my bare hands. And THEN tell him that his Grecian Formula isn't fooling anyone. Aged hack.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 5

3.25.13

"I can't even write a confession to be published on this website, what the fuck am I hoping for in this industry...I should've never quit ballet."

ABSOLVE : 48

CONDEMN : 2

3.25.13

I kind of like Mistral

ABSOLVE : 7

CONDEMN : 26

3.25.13

I have 371 emails in my work inbox - all unread.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 10

3.25.13

My parents still don't get what I do for a living.

ABSOLVE : 105

CONDEMN : 2

3.24.13

I'm trying to buy my way into a NYC ad job..

ABSOLVE : 5

CONDEMN : 35

3.24.13

When my account person says ASAP all that I do is get A$AP Rocky's "Fuckin' Problems" in my head all fucking day. Do they ever realise that next month might literally be the soonest I can possibly update our smallest clients website?

ABSOLVE : 13

CONDEMN : 2

3.24.13

I dropped out of ad school because of Creative Confessional.

ABSOLVE : 87

CONDEMN : 21

3.24.13

I love prank calling clients.

ABSOLVE : 41

CONDEMN : 6

3.24.13

To the AE that keeps giving me briefs "There is No brighter shade of white"

ABSOLVE : 45

CONDEMN : 2

3.24.13

Having a band/blog/twitter following/interest in fashion/art hobby doesn't make you creative. It just makes you like EVERYONE ELSE in advertising.

ABSOLVE : 42

CONDEMN : 4

3.23.13

I like to get really fubared and come to the office on saterdays and work with my pants off. Tobad we can't post pictures on here.

ABSOLVE : 19

CONDEMN : 4

3.23.13

I work at a promotions agency and i call myself "creative"

ABSOLVE : 4

CONDEMN : 23

3.22.13

I'm hiding under my desk.

ABSOLVE : 62

CONDEMN : 1

3.22.13

I avoid using stock photography of African American women for projects because I hate clipping out their hair.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 19

3.22.13

I'm "working late" on Friday because the office internet is better for streaming March Madness than my home connection.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 2

3.22.13

CV is neither "cool" nor "English". It is Latin.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 3

3.22.13

I wish the person next to me would stop working.

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 2

3.22.13

Watching account people kiss each other's asses makes me realize how unloved they were as children.

ABSOLVE : 49

CONDEMN : 1

3.22.13

Was just briefed and told to come in to work on Saturday. I've had to cancel brunch with a friend I haven't seen since 2008, and post-pone a long overdue dinner date with my boo. Excuse me while I go and buy a bottle of whiskey and start connecting at my desk while drinking.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 2

3.22.13

I just overhead a GCD say after coming out of a brainstorm for a break to review creative with his group of juniors: "I'm blowing minds in there. At first these people were like who is this guy? But then I let loose the fireworks and it was like Blam, blam, blam". That is supreme douchery!

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 1

3.22.13

To the person who hates Pugs and French Bulldogs: I will find you. And I will bring an army of snorting, snuffling assassins.

ABSOLVE : 71

CONDEMN : 22

3.22.13

I hate my job so much I came to work after ripping a teeny little bowl. It's something I said I'd never do but this place has ruined me. There. I said it.

ABSOLVE : 61

CONDEMN : 5

3.22.13

I say CV instead of resume because it sounds/looks so cool and British.

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 81

3.22.13

Sometimes I step out into the deep end of the hallway just to play a level of Sugar Candy Crush.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 2

3.22.13

My CD just got pissed because the cookies that a prospective vendor sent over are 'the shitty kind.'

ABSOLVE : 16

CONDEMN : 14

3.21.13

One of my biggest pet-peeves is when I share something design related with someone, they nod and change the subject...

ABSOLVE : 12

CONDEMN : 4

3.21.13

I kinda don't know what I'm doing, but I work my ass off 14 hours a day to gain as much knowledge as I fucking can.

ABSOLVE : 87

CONDEMN : 3

3.21.13

My therapist says this website is contributing to my depression.

ABSOLVE : 104

CONDEMN : 4

3.21.13

I hate people that put hash tags after everything. #gofuckyourself

ABSOLVE : 44

CONDEMN : 1

3.21.13

If I had a nickle for every time I heard an account person say "nice work", I'd have a nickle.

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 1

3.21.13

New York creatives are the Euro-Trash of the advertising industry.

ABSOLVE : 62

CONDEMN : 7

3.21.13

I dislike account people. I'm one of them.

ABSOLVE : 52

CONDEMN : 3

3.21.13

I still can't figure out why people walk around with their laptops open.

ABSOLVE : 28

CONDEMN : 2

3.21.13

Don't tell us there's no money for bonuses this year, but then roll around a cart full of donuts for the entire office to "raise spirit" or add chicken wings to the typical pizza-only happy hour. You aren't making us happier. You are just increasing the size of our asses. I'd rather take the 5 bucks for my share of donuts and wings.

ABSOLVE : 40

CONDEMN : 2

3.21.13

Account people are like speed humps on a road. Annoying obstacles that slow things down and get in your way.

ABSOLVE : 60

CONDEMN : 16

3.21.13

I think that lady further down this page is adorable for thinking Budweiser has anywhere near the amount of alcohol required to catch fire.

ABSOLVE : 65

CONDEMN : 1

3.21.13

Even if I hate my company, I'm afraid to look for a new job because I fear that it's the only company that my designs are good enough for.

ABSOLVE : 82

CONDEMN : 9

3.21.13

To the person with a Bill Bernbach tattoo. You really need to get a life you sorry fuck.

ABSOLVE : 13

CONDEMN : 3

3.21.13

Wtf is a design ninja? Or a deign rockstar. I design websites dude...

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 2

3.21.13

I work at an Ogilvy office but secretly I have a Bill Bernbach tattoo.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 15

3.21.13

"Client bought giraffe, doesn't want horse." Feedback of the year, as far as I am concerned.

ABSOLVE : 52

CONDEMN : 1

3.21.13

I use Photoshop to get rid of watermarks in low-res stock images without paying for them.

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 16

3.20.13

Stop eating tinned tuna in the office. It fucking stinks and so do you.

ABSOLVE : 53

CONDEMN : 6

3.20.13

A client tweeted "we now have 10,000 followers on twitter" I promptly Unfollowed them so they had 9,999 and looked stupid

ABSOLVE : 68

CONDEMN : 3

3.20.13

Every day my boss says "Good work today!" and I think "Yep- Reddit, YouTube and Twitter are exhausting!"

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 7

3.20.13

I hate that phrases like "What are next steps" have bled into my everyday speech with family and friends. Every time my douche meter ticks up a notch.

ABSOLVE : 56

CONDEMN : 3

3.20.13

May the bridges I burn light the way.

ABSOLVE : 169

CONDEMN : 7

3.20.13

People that fucking write emails durring reviews piss me off! If you're not going to pay attention while i present, then I'm not making any revisions. Oh, and piss off too.

ABSOLVE : 60

CONDEMN : 2

3.20.13

I love it when client says - I like it, but use something else. I mean, I could use a gun.

ABSOLVE : 65

CONDEMN : 0

3.20.13

Industry confession to client: When a digital shop tells you they can do traditional advertising too, that's perfectly fine. If you want a meaningless, amateur piece of crap complete with "click here" button on a printed page.

ABSOLVE : 46

CONDEMN : 11

3.20.13

Watching a 50-year-old woman act like she's the authority when it comes to social media is like watching a dog try to drive a golf cart. While hilarious, it has absolutely no idea what it's doing.

ABSOLVE : 73

CONDEMN : 32

3.20.13

At my last position, I more or less stole my supervisor's job. Then laughed as my rival got fired. Then I quit.

ABSOLVE : 34

CONDEMN : 28

3.20.13

Sorry to rain on your parade, ladies, but advertising is NOT a boy's club. It's a TALENT club. Get gooder.

ABSOLVE : 61

CONDEMN : 116

3.20.13

Every time a developer asks me for something I yell at him, so other developers think twice about asking me things they can do by themselves, them lazy asses!!!

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 29

3.19.13

I save all my files to my desktop

ABSOLVE : 83

CONDEMN : 81

3.19.13

"Advertising excellence might win you awards, but it wonât win you any respect. You want respect? Do great art on the side, art that youâre not paid any money for and are doing simply because you want to. So take your head out of your ass. Itâs just fucking advertising. Sell out." This is what I tell myself every time I do a piece of work that I'm even remotely proud of (which isn't often).

ABSOLVE : 41

CONDEMN : 4

3.19.13

i hate my designer friend (singular, not plural) because she thinks she's so busy and important.

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 9

3.19.13

I check Buzzfeed job openings every day.

ABSOLVE : 44

CONDEMN : 2

3.19.13

I hate your Pug AND your French Bulldog. Get a real dog.

ABSOLVE : 36

CONDEMN : 41

3.19.13

Hey, guess what? It's just advertising.

ABSOLVE : 83

CONDEMN : 1

3.19.13

As a Graphic Designer I have been trained to have a very thick skin when it comes to criticism of my work. But sometimes it really hurts my feelings when my CD and AD pick everything apart. Because what I create is who I am.

ABSOLVE : 66

CONDEMN : 16

3.19.13

I am a lady and I rarely get violent, but anyone who calls Budweiser 'horse-piss' makes me want to pour it all over their desks and toss a match on top. Don't get all cocky because you're an advertising hipster-wannabe who only drinks beer from local microbreweries.

ABSOLVE : 19

CONDEMN : 82

3.19.13

I wish my CD wasn't stoned so I could meet a deadline just once.

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 4

3.19.13

You're the producer, you pay the fucking taxi driver.

ABSOLVE : 72

CONDEMN : 1

3.19.13

This business is for the birds. Vultures that is. It's dead, but so many are yet to accept it.

ABSOLVE : 7

CONDEMN : 4

3.19.13

My client wants me to write a "vision page" for the company website. We make a plastic 10-cent kids' toy, a cheap wind chime, and a kite you buy in gas stations for $1.49. Please forgive me for what I'm about to write...

ABSOLVE : 56

CONDEMN : 2

3.19.13

I didn't wear make-up to the office today, not only to make it seem like I was too tired (because my CD kept me up all night with nitpicky edit), but also because I'm hoping no one will dare ask why I'm grimacing; "Maybe that's just her natural face."

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 1

3.19.13

Emails are not briefs. Fucking lazy account people.

ABSOLVE : 77

CONDEMN : 2

3.19.13

Removing a page from a PDF should be something a PM can handle.

ABSOLVE : 83

CONDEMN : 1

3.19.13

I sit on a yoga ball instead of a chair because I have seen the asses of long-term web coders.

ABSOLVE : 63

CONDEMN : 1

3.19.13

Our CW keeps calling me Leonard. THAT'S NOT MY NAME!

ABSOLVE : 39

CONDEMN : 1

3.19.13

I want to end all my emails with "GDIAF" instead of "Cheers".

ABSOLVE : 24

CONDEMN : 1

3.19.13

I consider firing someone who gave me a full-blown drama about being so incredibly sick last night, only to find that person facebooking lengthy, inspiring blabla. Yes we are not friends on FB, but do not go on pages where I am the adminstrator. Capisci?

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 14

3.19.13

i watch scrubs re-runs for inspiration sometimes.

ABSOLVE : 15

CONDEMN : 9

3.19.13

I start reading The Creative Confessional in a meeting when I hear the client describe their project "disruptive".

ABSOLVE : 18

CONDEMN : 0

3.18.13

"i need an eye catching, explosive, creative, interesting image of an avocado" really?

ABSOLVE : 70

CONDEMN : 4

3.18.13

I cannot update you on the status of something I haven't done yet.

ABSOLVE : 109

CONDEMN : 0

3.18.13

If I have to see Budweiser's horse trainer reunites with his Clydesdale ad one more time I swear I will stop drinking Budweiser beer forever. Wait, I don't drink horse piss. Nevermind, carry on.

ABSOLVE : 53

CONDEMN : 10

3.18.13

I dump off my mother-in-law's kitchen experiments, aka sand-storms, in the agency's kitchennette. And I am always amazed to see it disappear, no matter how bad it is.

ABSOLVE : 27

CONDEMN : 2

3.18.13

I just turned down a job offer from one of the original Madison Avenue Mad Men because he low balled me like crazy...wonder how much longer they are going to keep me on as freelance...the worse part...I actually like this job...but mama has to pay the mortgage and daycare.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 3

3.18.13

Once a sales rep I really hated went on vacation for over week in the summer when the sun would shine directly into his office. The temps in there with the door shut easily got in the upper 80s. I went to the Asian market up the street and picked up some durian fruit, opened the package and put in on his office floor by the window then removed it before he got back. The room smelled like absolute death when he returned. If I had been using my head, I would have smushed it in the carpet.

ABSOLVE : 60

CONDEMN : 3

3.18.13

There's more drugs being done in this office than the entire time Studio 54 was open.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 4

3.18.13

C-Store's are my art gallery.

ABSOLVE : 3

CONDEMN : 0

3.18.13

I love infographics... I hate making them...

ABSOLVE : 67

CONDEMN : 0

3.18.13

The only thing I've accomplished today is sending files to a printer. And it's taken me all day to do it.

ABSOLVE : 48

CONDEMN : 3

3.18.13

Shoveling snow off the sidewalk in front of our shop is the only productive work I do all day.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 1

3.18.13

On a typical day, I won't start any sort of real work until at least 10:30am. (We start at 8am).

ABSOLVE : 74

CONDEMN : 2

3.18.13

Sometimes my boss really makes me feel like pulling a Milton and burning the whole place down.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 2

3.18.13

When printing vendors bring me little gifts, I don't share them with the office.

ABSOLVE : 71

CONDEMN : 8

3.18.13

I have inside information. The Travelocity gnome is going to start being animated. Also I had to google the word gnome to figure how to spell it.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 13

3.18.13

The client's website isn't finished because you've given me three "NEED THIS DONE ASAP" projects on top of it.

ABSOLVE : 68

CONDEMN : 0

3.18.13

when I say I have to RESEARCH, I mean I have to buy myself a new pair of shoes.

ABSOLVE : 21

CONDEMN : 8

3.18.13

Sometimes I wish I was deaf.

ABSOLVE : 23

CONDEMN : 7

3.17.13

I know I'm new to advertising because I miss it when I go on vacation.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 17

3.17.13

I actually miss Mr. Wolfdog.

ABSOLVE : 12

CONDEMN : 4

3.17.13

I can't stand my partner.

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 0

3.17.13

People who wear Chucks might as well hold a sign that says "I'm a poser, a hack and a dweeb".

ABSOLVE : 19

CONDEMN : 50

3.17.13

Everyday before I check my email I check for new job postings.

ABSOLVE : 50

CONDEMN : 2

3.17.13

I saw one of the ADs dogs shit under a coworkers desk and didn't tell anyone. It was there for 2 weeks until she finally stepped in it.

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 10

3.17.13

I sometimes go into work on the weekends just for the free beer and toilet paper.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 4

3.17.13

I like the Kia commercial with the van full of rats wearing velour tracksuits and gold chains.

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 52

3.17.13

The next person who asks if my career inspiration came from Mad Men will get a stapler stapled to their face.

ABSOLVE : 64

CONDEMN : 3

3.17.13

I want to send fake offensive resumes to every agency that wants an "INTERN SUPERSTAR".

ABSOLVE : 85

CONDEMN : 1

3.17.13

Art Directors, stop trying to think like Developers. You don't have the brains for it!

ABSOLVE : 14

CONDEMN : 16

3.16.13

I can't believe Cool Whip went with a parody of the heart-rending ASPCA ads to market their shitty new "frosting".

ABSOLVE : 15

CONDEMN : 3

3.16.13

Every great copywriter I've met says the same thing: "don't go to school to learn writing, just fucking read".

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 3

3.16.13

Most of my files are called "Untitled-5.psd"

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 40

3.15.13

Art Directors, stop trying to write copy.

ABSOLVE : 46

CONDEMN : 33

3.15.13

I will stab the next person that asks for an infograph without providing any info.

ABSOLVE : 97

CONDEMN : 0

3.15.13

I love working freelance... it's the most dignified way I can think of to make a few hundred bucks in an evening with my clothes off.

ABSOLVE : 70

CONDEMN : 1

3.15.13

I deviated from the corporate color palette.

ABSOLVE : 112

CONDEMN : 5

3.15.13

Please stop referring to "the morning" as "the AM."

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 5

3.15.13

I'm not gay.

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 19

3.15.13

I can identify coworkers by the sound of their footsteps.

ABSOLVE : 98

CONDEMN : 2

3.15.13

I crashed my car into a tree so I could skip an early Monday meeting.

ABSOLVE : 67

CONDEMN : 13

3.15.13

My partner can't drink as much alcohol as me. What the fuck is he doing working in advertising?

ABSOLVE : 17

CONDEMN : 10

3.15.13

No. I will not "wordsmith" this for you.

ABSOLVE : 56

CONDEMN : 3

3.15.13

Putting two exclamation points instead of the customary one after saying "thanks" in an email doesn't make me hate you any less you insincere asshole.

ABSOLVE : 70

CONDEMN : 3

3.15.13

I think people on LinkedIn trying to see how far their connections in their network can reach by soliciting "Likes" are just attention whores.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 1

3.15.13

I'm going to punch the first person I see wearing Google Glasses.

ABSOLVE : 106

CONDEMN : 13

3.15.13

If you can name every agency that makes up Interpublic Group and didn't know that George Harrison was a Beatle, you don't deserve pity, you deserve to die.

ABSOLVE : 77

CONDEMN : 2

3.15.13

My partner is a drunk, and thanks to him I am too.

ABSOLVE : 42

CONDEMN : 4

3.14.13

My CD calls everyone in the office "Sunshine". Barf.

ABSOLVE : 44

CONDEMN : 4

3.14.13

Crossing out a whole paragraph and simply writing "reword" is not constructive feedback.

ABSOLVE : 92

CONDEMN : 0

3.14.13

If the ditzy female copywriter sitting three seats away from me keeps saying "Oh My God" in her annoying high pitched squeal, I am going to walk over to her and punch her in the face. #openplanofficessuck.

ABSOLVE : 69

CONDEMN : 4

3.14.13

I'm so tired of fucking assholes getting ahead in this business.

ABSOLVE : 103

CONDEMN : 0

3.14.13

Today I wrote all the copy myself and have no intention of telling the copywriter about it. Yeah I went to college too...

ABSOLVE : 59

CONDEMN : 34

3.14.13

I purposefully choose the shittiest copy and creative for our facebook projects because I am hoping facebook dies before I put any real energy into working with it.

ABSOLVE : 56

CONDEMN : 18

3.14.13

Sometimes I wish for a major city-wide black out so I can get away from all these screens for a while.

ABSOLVE : 80

CONDEMN : 0

3.14.13

I am now 3 for 3 on clients not noticing the hidden LOST numbers in their ads.

ABSOLVE : 90

CONDEMN : 2

3.14.13

Hoping my client's celebrity athlete will do something epically stupid on spring break so they drop her and I don't have to write about her anymore.

ABSOLVE : 40

CONDEMN : 4

3.14.13

The winners have been announced for the Radio Mercury Awards. Evidently someone still cares about radio ads. I know I'm not one of them.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 21

3.14.13

The "collaboration" model doesn't work. It's a fad. See you in Failed AgencyLand in five years.

ABSOLVE : 38

CONDEMN : 5

3.14.13

I've been a creative for over 15 years. And I still don't know what some AE's do.

ABSOLVE : 66

CONDEMN : 5

3.14.13

My CD unintentionally makes up several words a day in client meetings. I guess that's one way of being 'creative'. And retarded.

ABSOLVE : 33

CONDEMN : 9

3.14.13

I'm a damn good makeup artist. Unfortunately, since getting married, I now live in Augusta, GA. The cultural and artistic mecca of MY ASS.

ABSOLVE : 50

CONDEMN : 6

3.14.13

The HR person at my agency has mono.

ABSOLVE : 26

CONDEMN : 2

3.13.13

I hate these young, annoying, pretentious, over-enthusiastic hotshot creatives. I daydream about shoving my shoe into their mouths every chance I get.

ABSOLVE : 48

CONDEMN : 6

3.13.13

I miss the days when people smoked at their desks and had a bottle in their drawer.

ABSOLVE : 69

CONDEMN : 3

3.13.13

I create the very thing I rebel against.

ABSOLVE : 63

CONDEMN : 6

3.13.13

I purposely wear slutty, short dresses so my art director can get my work done faster for me.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 43

3.13.13

I hate the wolf in the new old spice ad.

ABSOLVE : 46

CONDEMN : 11

3.13.13

The barrel of my gun is starting to rust from all the time it spends in my mouth.

ABSOLVE : 83

CONDEMN : 13

3.13.13

I hate how my ECD says 'keep going' and then decides to go with the first idea you had on a Friday for a Monday deadline.

ABSOLVE : 40

CONDEMN : 3

3.13.13

Abrasive feedback makes me want to do the opposite of what you told me to do. You're not being "blunt," you're being an asshole.

ABSOLVE : 64

CONDEMN : 6

3.13.13

My twin brother and I run a B2B design studio. We offer a Profit Sharing Plan to all of our employees. They contribute part of their salaries and we invest them. After 6 years they are fully vested. So far, we've managed to fire every employee we've ever had between their 5th and 6th years, and my brother and I have become millionaires on the proceeds from our Profit Sharing alone. We are the only fully vested members in the plan.

ABSOLVE : 5

CONDEMN : 262

3.13.13

Rather than seem abrasive in critique, I say "I see where you are going with this, and it's really a nice direction, but I think it needs a little more thought/refinement/relevance/traction/grounding."

ABSOLVE : 61

CONDEMN : 9

3.13.13

If I could only work from edit studios, I'd be happier. And fatter. And drunker.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 3

3.13.13

I go to VCU Brandcenter.

ABSOLVE : 6

CONDEMN : 25

3.13.13

I surf porn on my partners computer whenever he is "working from home".

ABSOLVE : 30

CONDEMN : 11

3.13.13

I used to accidentally kick out my copy writers power cord to his computer.

ABSOLVE : 11

CONDEMN : 47

3.13.13

When interviewing Junior designers the two most important answers they give are to the questions "What do you listen to?" and "What do you drink?".

ABSOLVE : 57

CONDEMN : 22

3.13.13

I just screamed 'this computer is retarded' because of photoshop. My CD has a 34-year-old severely mentally handicapped daughter. I will be avoiding my CD for the duration of the week.

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 49

3.13.13

Being a female graphic designer in a male team doesn't mean I'll condone or participate (especially participate) in the cheating of your girlfriends. You just better hope I never get to meet those poor girls.

ABSOLVE : 81

CONDEMN : 10

3.12.13

Sometimes I accidentally almost watch porn at work because I forget I'm at the office doing the same thing I do at home, surfing the internet.

ABSOLVE : 78

CONDEMN : 8

3.12.13

I'm an attention whore afraid to be seen. I work in advertising.

ABSOLVE : 15

CONDEMN : 5

3.12.13

Advertising is nothing more than a bunch of white guys in nikes saying "That's FRESH" all the time.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 7

3.12.13

My partner is gay, and doesn't know it ... yet.

ABSOLVE : 9

CONDEMN : 1

3.12.13

I'm a 23 year old graphic design intern and I JUST want to make it in this business. Before I get as jaded as the rest of you.

ABSOLVE : 75

CONDEMN : 11

3.12.13

I'm totally equal opportunity, but I can't stand working with women that take charge like they're everyone's fucking mother.

ABSOLVE : 70

CONDEMN : 30

3.12.13

I really, really fucking hate the term 'Team'. I don't have a team. You don't have a team. I don't want to be part of a team. I just want to do good work with people that only give a shit about the work - and I mean NEW work - genuine, truthful, painful stuff that speaks to people - not safe, derivative, reformulated creative sawdust that's been field tested to hit some sort of acceptable profit/response baseline by some suit wearing accountant/assmonkey. Keep your corporate team bullshit buzzspeak out of my face or I'll sharpen this pencil a just little more and end you. Ahhh...and now, back to work...

ABSOLVE : 84

CONDEMN : 16

3.12.13

I usually play tic-tac-toe with my partner on the copy of our brief at meetings.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 5

3.12.13

I work on a coffee brand and the client busted me drinking Starbucks.

ABSOLVE : 64

CONDEMN : 14

3.12.13

It's 3pm and I'm drunk.

ABSOLVE : 122

CONDEMN : 6

3.12.13

I use the "what the font" app on my iPhone to ID fonts.

ABSOLVE : 59

CONDEMN : 2

3.12.13

When I have headphones on, think of me as The Candyman. If you say my name more than four times in a row, I'll fucking kill you.

ABSOLVE : 74

CONDEMN : 1

3.12.13

When Photoshop Crashes.. I use Paint.

ABSOLVE : 22

CONDEMN : 52

3.12.13

The Barbasol commercials are much more enjoyable when you're high.

ABSOLVE : 20

CONDEMN : 2

3.12.13

You assholes that think working around the clock will get you some kind of glory, need to get fucking lives. At the very least get a sex partner.

ABSOLVE : 53

CONDEMN : 4

3.12.13

I'm instituting a 20yr moratorium on using coffee cups or coffee stain rings in any piece of design work.

ABSOLVE : 67

CONDEMN : 1

3.12.13

My Art Director is secretly blogging from SXSW from his cube in NYC.

ABSOLVE : 24

CONDEMN : 6

3.12.13

I've always hated the Old Spice ads.

ABSOLVE : 42

CONDEMN : 54

3.12.13

My Art Director wont drink alcohol at lunch today and is ordering a salad. I so need a new partner.

ABSOLVE : 44

CONDEMN : 19

3.12.13

No amount of drugs, prescription or otherwise, can make me focus on this shit we call "work." And I've tried.

ABSOLVE : 42

CONDEMN : 4

3.12.13

I sit and play Candy Crush all day with most of the Adobe suite open on my Mac. I wave the wacom stylus around opening and closing windows when I see someone coming up behind me. Having black wallpaper is the key to seeing a good reflection of who is approaching :)

ABSOLVE : 32

CONDEMN : 2

3.12.13

No matter how bad the thinking is on a brief, creatives always have to produce something. Always. So to all you lazy AE's, strategists, and planners around the world, you're fucking welcome.

ABSOLVE : 119

CONDEMN : 4

3.12.13

Mr Wolfdog is trying so hard it's painful

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 6

3.12.13

Right now, I am sitting in an on-line presentation with our CS team. They are, frame by frame, destroying what was once a reasonable TV ad. This is before the client has even seen the spot. Tomorrow there will be more mindless changes. I need to win the lottery.

ABSOLVE : 54

CONDEMN : 1

3.12.13

In this world of shitty copy, lazy journalism, and enervated headlines, I beg people: stop going to Miami Ad School, and go learn to fucking write.

ABSOLVE : 64

CONDEMN : 2

3.12.13

We are living in a misogynist world and I am one over-it girl.

ABSOLVE : 58

CONDEMN : 10

3.11.13

I don't believe in advertising anymore.

ABSOLVE : 53

CONDEMN : 7

3.11.13

I wear deodorant to work so you need to wear make-up.

ABSOLVE : 52

CONDEMN : 87

3.11.13

One of my agency's clients is a well known supporter of Prop 8 and Rick Santorum. I desperately wish I could somehow sabotage their site.

ABSOLVE : 65

CONDEMN : 11

3.11.13

Go ahead, say "South By" ONE MORE time.

ABSOLVE : 55

CONDEMN : 1

3.11.13

I think Oreo is milking this one-liner campaign a little bit too much. See what I did there?

ABSOLVE : 48

CONDEMN : 8

3.11.13

Addvertising: the land of corporate and common depression.

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 2

3.11.13

If you categorically reject all creative suggestions from non "Creatives," grow the fuck up.

ABSOLVE : 78

CONDEMN : 43

3.11.13

I stole the cooking spray from the kitchen at my freelance gig.

ABSOLVE : 50

CONDEMN : 3

3.11.13

My coworker just compared my dad's death to her dog's death. For the third time. If she does it one more time I'm going to staple the picture of her dead dog to her forehead and set it on fire.

ABSOLVE : 153

CONDEMN : 3

3.11.13

If you notice a douchebag deficit at your office, don't worry, they will be back, they are all at SXSW

ABSOLVE : 96

CONDEMN : 2

3.11.13

It's Monday. Fuck. That means 5 days of this shit before sanity returns.

ABSOLVE : 48

CONDEMN : 2

3.10.13

I constantly leave periods off the ends of sentences just so my boss will have something to change.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 1

3.10.13

i'm posting on a sunday

ABSOLVE : 13

CONDEMN : 27

3.10.13

I was once asked to photoshop the little bit of fat on a four year old in a bathing suit

ABSOLVE : 10

CONDEMN : 67

3.9.13

I would confess something serious, but this is my work computer. This machine cannot be trusted.

ABSOLVE : 111

CONDEMN : 1

3.9.13

I imagine myself flipping my desk and yelling "COME AT ME BRO", to almost anyone who asks if I can change a font to Helvetica.

ABSOLVE : 65

CONDEMN : 9

3.9.13

Thank god most agencies don't do background checks.

ABSOLVE : 74

CONDEMN : 2

3.9.13

When I have to dig deep for creative inspiration, I turn to my old friends Ke$ha, Nicki Minaj, and Lo Carb Monster energy drinks.

ABSOLVE : 21

CONDEMN : 45

3.9.13

I made sure to CC the VP on the email chain that asked me to forge documents. He did not intervene.

ABSOLVE : 62

CONDEMN : 3

3.9.13

I unsubscribed from my company's emails. I make the company's emails.

ABSOLVE : 35

CONDEMN : 2

3.9.13

Reading these make me feel better about leaving the advertising world for a boring job, so I can go home and play with my kid and actually spend quality time with my wife.

ABSOLVE : 98

CONDEMN : 3

3.9.13

Stop tweeting about SXSW you nerds #sxsw

ABSOLVE : 39

CONDEMN : 6

3.8.13

For nearly a decade, I worked for the biggest Adult and Sex toy provider in the whole world. It was fun for the first five years. After realizing I was suffering from PTSD from all the constant, ridiculous insanity of the Porno/Sex Worker world trying to break into mainstream markets, I left and ran into Art school. Best decision of my life thus far.

ABSOLVE : 29

CONDEMN : 4

3.8.13

When I do a bad job on a design, I feel worthless and useless until I make up for it with a stunning design. During this self hate dilemma, my children are getting much older without my involvement, and my wife is looking elsewhere for an emotional connection. This is not the life I wanted for myself when I was an aspiring design student. I have learned the hard way that in order to be truly great and respected in this business, you must (in most cases) give up everything that is important to you, and devote yourself entirely to creating work that most people don't care about, or hardly even notice.

ABSOLVE : 93

CONDEMN : 15

3.8.13

To everyone at SXSW, I hope your flights get delayed on the way home.

ABSOLVE : 58

CONDEMN : 2

3.8.13

I just spent 25 minutes renaming every layer "Layer 1" because my CD pissed me off so much.

ABSOLVE : 92

CONDEMN : 2

3.8.13

If one more person asks if I am okay, I am going to throw my computer out the window and then jump after it.

ABSOLVE : 43

CONDEMN : 4

3.8.13

I'm secretly in love with someone that I manage.

ABSOLVE : 41

CONDEMN : 12

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